Wow, you’ve found me. At last, we can be best friends forever! My name is Allan Bishop, bacon eater and seagull breeder extraordinaire. With my army of hyper-intelligent seagulls, I aim to bring you inane content, lessons in history, guides on what about the toilets? (world-building), helping fellow writers learn the difference between a jockstrap and a pulley harness, and all other sorts of goodies. I’ve posted almost the past year on r/fantasy under the alias/moniker Albarchon. I am not the Cyborg Ninja Frank Fox, but I sure as hell do love me some unnecessarily complicated conspiracies involving the digital Illuminati, memes, and Hideo Kojima’s increasingly insane, retconed stories about babies in men and other weird shit. I’ve written over 25+ short stories, mostly trunk stories, but I’ll also be sharing some behind the scenes process on my own setting, scrapped shit from the embarrassing first incarnation called Fateless at 16, and other lesser/needlessly known concepts. I aim to entertain or at least have you cringe at my terrible attempts at humor. But in all seriousness, I do hope you enjoy my whimsical mind while I regale you with super sad stories about people trying to do good, only to hurt each other and the ones they love like a 1920s great American novel.

Let’s do lunch. I really want to hear about your life-story and how there’s a whale and it involves your dead goldfish. My rates start at $50+/hr. Enjoy!